Who you callin duBM

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman:
 What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?

Contestant:
 Homosexuals.

Jeremy Paxman:
 No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you




BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston:
 Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant:
 Geography isn't my strong point.

Jamie Theakston:
 There's a clue in the title.

Contestant:
 Leicester




BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White:
 Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:
 I don't know.

Stewart White:
 I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant:
 Arm

Stewart White:
 Correct And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant:
 Strong.

Stewart White:
 Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant:
 Louis

Stewart White:
 Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:
 Frank Sinatra?



LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

Alex Trelinski:
 What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant:
 France

Trelinski:
 France is another country. Try again.

Contestant:
 Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski:
 Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant:
 Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski:
 Just guess a country then.

Contestant:
 Paris



                                     THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson:
 Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant:
 The Conservative Party.




BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark:
 For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis:
 I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?



UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoyne:
 What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant:
 Goosey?



GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter:
 What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963 ?

Contestant:
 I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.



PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO -   MANCHESTER )

Phil:
 What's 11 squared?

Contestant:
 I don't know.

Phil:
 I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant:
 Is it five?



RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:
 Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant:
 Forrest Gump.



RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:
 On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant:
 Er. .. ...

Richard:
 He makes bread . . ..

Contestant:
 Er . .....

Richard:
 He makes cakes . . ..

Contestant:
 Kipling Street ?



LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter:
 Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant:
 Barcelona

Presenter:
 I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant:
 I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain



NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question:
 What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant:
 The Pacific.



ROCK FM ( PRESTON )

Presenter:
 Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo DA Vinci.

Contestant:
 Who Framed Roger Rabbit?



THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre:
 What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant:
 Magna Carta?



JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

James O'Brien:
 How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant:
 Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?




CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Chris Searle:
 In which European country is Mount Etna?

Caller:
 Japan

Chris Searle:
 I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller:
 Er ..... Mexico ?



PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

Paul Wappat:
 How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (long pause):
 Fourteen days.



DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham:
 In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant:
 Holland ?

Daryl Denham:
 Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant:
 Iceland ? Ireland ?

Daryl Denham: (helpfully)
 It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant:
 No.



PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Phil Wood:
 What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant:
 Er. ... ...

Phil Wood:
 It's got two syllables . . .. Kor . .

Contestant:
 Blimey?

Phil Wood:
 Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ....

Contestant:
 (Silence)

Phil Wood:
 OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . ..

Contestant:
 Walked?



THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes:
 What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant:
 Nostalgia.



LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter:
 What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant:
 Jewish.

Presenter:
 That's close enough.



STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright:
 Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?

Contestant:
 Jesus.

Lessons Ignored

As some readers will know, I am a thoroughly true blue Australian.  I am a migrant from Scotland and every single day of my life I count my blessings for the opportunities that this Great Country has given me.  It should therefore come as no surprise when I say that I am sickened but moreso saddened when I see what is going on around the Country.

You see, dear reader, I have seen it all before.  Industry, manufacturing, engineering, stevedoring, transport, mining, construction all depleted and finally wiped out.  Wiped out by union greed and government incompetence on both sides of politics I might add.

Let me give you some insight into the future that awaits by visiting the past and telling you what I know to be true.

I grew up in Glasgow, Scotland, a City with a fierce reputation for hard working, hard drinking and hard fighting men.  A reputation well earned and well deserved but in many ways it overshadowed the great achievements that were achieved by Scots in general.

Initially a massive port City the envy of any in the world and based on the River Clyde.  The city was built by the tobacco lords, the spice lords and shipping magnates.  It became one of the richest cities in the world and great development followed.

It became the world hub for shipbuilding with shipyards crammed onto the Clydeside like sardines in a can with massive ships being built for a worldwide market. They built huge cargo ships, massive warships and luxury liners.  As a boy, I watched the QE2 funnel rising into the air as she reached completion.  With the wind coming from the right direction I could hear the constant hammering of rivet and caulking guns working through the night.

What was at the time the largest standing crane in the world, the Finnieston crane, was used to load massive steam locomotives onto ships destined for the USA, India and all parts of the world including Australia. Locally produced in Glasgow, these mighty machines continue to run to this very day.

Albion trucks were manufactured alongside the shipyards and were also exported worldwide. They also supplied the local market with trucks and buses.  There was a large car manufacturing industry in the Rootes Group.

Huge underground coalmines provided the black gold that kept industries powered and homes heated.  Large cotton mills produced fine fibres and then there was Britains largest export earner immediately before the discovery of North Sea oil, liquid gold called whisky.  Fine Scotch whisky exported to every corner of the globe providing rivers of income to the government in Whitehall.

Rolls Royce had a large engineering factory manufacturing engines for a variety of uses from shipping to aircraft.

All of these industries provided employment for thousands indeed hundreds of thousands of highly skilled tradesmen, apprentices and manual labourers.

What ensued was more than a tragedy, it was criminally negligent.

So what happened?  Unions happened.  There was an uprising by union leaders and organisers. Compulsory unionism.  No ticket, no start. Demarkation disputes. Wage claims, go-slow, overtime bans, strikes, walkouts. The whole box and dice.

Picture this.  You all know the unintelligible Scot, Doug Cameron, former union thug, bully and bovva boy and now an Australian Senator. You see how he behaves but imagine hundreds like him. Raving left-wing ratbags.

They infiltrated every industry in the country and made so many demands upon decent employers, that they simply surrendered and closed causing massive unemployment and social disaster.  Governments of the day interfered but could not stop the massive decline.  They tried to nationalise shipbuilding, mining and transport, but to no avail.

Closure after closure after closure thanks to the union mugs.  Scotland is now an industrial wasteland.  It’s a call centre.  A basket case with no hope of a return to its former glory.  So very very sad.

My desription is compressed into a few paragraphs but is an accurate precis of history as I saw it.  Any of it look familiar to you, dear reader?  Look around.  Look at closures and industries in trouble. Why?  Unions have priced indusries out of the market.

Of course there are other factors at work causing the decline in Australia.  The attitude that “I want it and I want it now” is killing us. Worse the attitude of some that “I deserve to have what they have” even though not qualified to earn the same.

As an aside.  The debate about Scotland’s independence. Now that the oil is drying up, there is no industry, there are no jobs and no prospects, Whitehall is now happy to divest itself of a dead weight.  Anytime Whitehall makes anyone an offer, it only benefits Whitehall.

Welcome to your future, Dear reader.

I NEED YOUR ADVICE!

Well.  I had a call from Miss 17 today about a car and I was left stunned!

When I buy a new car, I don't trade or sell the old one. Yes I  have to pay 5 registrations but the cars are mine. Not work utes or the like, personal vehicles paid for out of my own pocket. One of those cars is a BMW 318i that I bought new and has all the bells and whistles, full service history and has only done around 120,000 klms.

I thought it would be a nice pressie for Miss 17 when she obtained her drivers license.  It is a beautiful motor car, always garaged and in top nick.

Miss 17 calls me today and says she wants to buy a car and wait for it, could she trade-in my BMW?

Now she is still at school, has no funds to buy a car and is unlikely to be able to afford one for some time.  I asked WHY she didn't want the Beemer to which she replied, it was too big and she wanted something smaller.

• a) I will not pay for another car for her.
• b) I will NOT be a guarantor for ANY loan
• c) I am stunned that ANYONE would turn down such a gift!

I'm just gobsmacked to the extent that I am prepared to bring the car here and sell it to the highest bidder.

I don't think she's ungrateful - but to be honest, I think she bloody well is!

My answer to her was "UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CAN SHE TRADE MY CAR"

Help please by leaving a reply, anonymous or otherwise.  When I was a kid a fifty quid bomb was as good as it gets!

Wailing on Whaling

Let me make it clear from the outset.  In an old-fashioned and myopic way, I have NO time for the Japanese as a nation or as a people.  They could slip into the ocean and I would care not one jot.  Yes, Like many, I lost members of my family in WW2 and of those who returned, their lives were ruined by the trauma of cruelty and starvation at the hands of their captors.  Unreasonable and some may say hysterical.  I cannot disagree, but I am what I am. And so to the point.

Whaling is not a nice business, nor is the slaughter of any animal.  As I recall, my last blog concerned the inhumane slaughter of cattle in Indonesia.

We here in Australia enjoy the bounties of the land and our oceans in accordance with out national traditions and diet.  We slaughter cattle, sheep, pigs, chickens in the millions.  In India, the cow is sacred but I don't hear them demanding that we cease the slaughter and cosumption of beef.  Likewise, other countries don't eat pigmeat as it is considered unclean, but I don't hear then telling us to cease the slaughter and consumption of pigs.

Millions of other species are eaten all around the world.  Dogs, cruelly beaten to death in Korea, cooked and eaten.  Some asian dishes require fish to be plunged into boiling oil while still alive.  Other creatures of the sea are cooked alive.  Lobster, Crayfish, Crabs and even our own humble yabby.

But Japan aren't the only ones whaling.  Norway and Iceland are enthusiastic whalers and openly admit they do so for food, unlike Japan who hide behind the skirts of scientific research.  We all know that's bullshit anyway.

A terrific article can be read thanks to National Geographic here:

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/06/080627-japan-whaling.html

The closing paragraph quotes Claire Bass, of the WSPA, who conceded that cultural differences do colour the debate.